The Cost of Loving Hard and Rising Anyway

Most people assume that once you reach a certain level, you don’t stress, struggle, or sacrifice anymore. They think success means you should always put yourself last, always show up, and never have a breaking point.

But over the last 5 years, I’ve learned a hard truth.
A lot of people only care until you tell them no or you chase your dreams.

I’ve had “day ones” turn around and make up lies about me, full-blown defamation of character. They rationalize the mess by trying to make you the villain in their story. Master manipulation and hatred disguised and justified by lies baked over more lies. I’ve had friends I showed up for while fighting my own demons the best I could, all while my first marriage was falling apart, dealing with suicidal ideations, being bullied by his family.. I signed up for a marriage not outside children and voices of unsolved chaotic soul. While fighting the school system, being told my son was “on drugs” when he was actually experiencing his first psychosis, grieving the child I had to learn to raise differently, kids going through their own storms, my own health scares, and STILL heard, “the friendship is surface level and you didn’t support me enough,” from someone I would have given a kidney to.

I’ve taken in broken souls while mine was broken.
I’ve set up college funds for kids while my own children didn’t have one.
I built foundations for others because I loved them that deeply. I loved them so much that at one point my own kids told me I loved those people more than them. I’ve helped multiple people build business foundations for 6 figure and million dollar companies. They never gave credit, say thank you. They speak ill, compete where there is no comparison in characters. They smile in fact but behind the scenes, talking about buying out things they never bought into. It is strange to me. I have never bought anyone out of anything, and no one has ever bought into anything I have ever started. Not once.

And now, looking back, I can see where I fell short.

My mindset was, “They don’t have anyone, and y’all have me.”
Save, save, save. Support, support, support, be a good friend.
Meanwhile, neglect, neglect, neglect… me.

But that was one of my flaws, loving people so hard that I didn’t realize it could create wounds in my own home.

And in the end, the people I poured into, the people I went above and beyond for, the people I would have given a kidney for, turned around and did me worse than anyone outside ever could.

Because in their world, they were jealous of the attention I gave to others.
So they hurt me because I loved others.

And still…

I’ve had people weaponize pain, twist narratives, and try to play victim while I carried burdens beyond my own. Some they knew about, some they had no clue existed. And the minute you say no, they attack. All it takes is one person speaking out of anger, and suddenly your personal pain the things you trusted them with becomes conversation material. But the thing is, I had already started doing the inner work years ago while enduring all this pain. So now, looking back, I can own it and give gratitude for the experiences.

And honestly, I’ve always been the black sheep, even as a child.
So being excluded stopped hurting me a long time ago. This can be a bad thing or a blessing.
Half the time I don’t even notice, because I never looked for inclusion in the first place.

I used to turn a blind eye to things like support and mutual relationships. I did not understand the importance of either. When you are in survival mode, you are just looking forward and doing your best to get through.

Being healed does not mean bulletproof.
It means having emotional regulation, emotional intelligence, and strong self-awareness.

And that is the space I have grown into the space where I am rooted enough to stand firm, but rising enough to keep evolving. That balance didn’t come from perfection. It came from doing the inner work and learning myself on a deeper level. It came from choosing healing as a lifestyle, not a moment. That is what Rooted and Rising truly is… staying grounded in who you are, while still elevating into who you are becoming.

Let me be clear:

I don’t gossip.
I don’t expose people’s pain.
When you are close to someone, the dirt goes both ways and that applies to family too. Even when people wrong me, their secrets stay safe with me. I don’t get off on hurting others, because I know pain far too well. I refuse to step down to the level of revenge. That is not who I am.

And the truth is, despite everything, I consistently leave people better than they leave me. That is confirmation of my solidness. Even in relationships that didn’t last, the men I loved outside of my first marriage elevated. Because even though the relationship did not work out, they recognized my worth. They appreciated the love, the stability, and the growth I brought to the table. My love never left anyone the same, and that is a reflection of strength, not weakness.

People see the outside and assume I have everything together and no needs, no worries, no pressure. What they don’t see are the charity parts, the nights pulling homeless people off the streets, the hours poured into helping others quietly, the pieces of myself I give away without ever asking for anything back.

But still I stay solid.
Every. Single. Time.
Even when it costs me parts of myself.

Last night… 11-21-2025

Last night, as my husband picked me up and carried me because I was fighting through my own health concerns, it reminded me of something I have to be conscious of while trying to be strong for everyone else.

Continue choosing yourself.
Even when your body is tired.
Even when your heart is heavy.
Even when the world pulls on you from every direction.

Because at the end of the day, the people meant for you will lift you, literally and emotionally, and remind you that you deserve the same care you keep giving out.

All part of purpose…

Everything you go through is part of your purpose.
And the people who truly love you, the ones who genuinely care, will not switch up just because you set a boundary or say no.
Real people do not fold when you protect your peace.

They will not suddenly change up on you.
They will not start befriending people they claimed to dislike.
They will not act weird, petty, or vindictive, all because you finally decided to choose yourself.

Here is the truth.

Loving unconditionally does not mean ignoring your limits.
Loving unconditionally means your love does not change just because boundaries exist.
It means, “I can love you and still have limits. I can love you and still say no.”

People who love you do not punish you for having limits.
People who love you do not make you regret the love you gave.

Stand on business for yourself.

Protect your energy.
Honor your boundaries.
Keep choosing you, no matter who gets uncomfortable with it.

And I am sharing this to say one thing:

Purpose comes with pain.
It is not all glitz, glam, or applause.
It is sacrifice, heartbreak, and endurance.
But it is all part of the process.

And I am still standing, stronger, wiser, and no longer apologizing for choosing myself. 

In closing readers, stewarts, villager remember if you take anything from my story, let it be this. Learn to push your roots deeper even while you rise higher. Let pain teach you resilience. Let loss teach you gratitude. Let boundaries teach you self-worth. Every experience you survived, even the ones that brought you to your knees, watered something in you that needed to grow.

Rooted and Rising is not just my journey. It can be yours too.

Healing is not about perfection. It is about awareness. 

Elevation requires grounding and grounding requires truth.

Your truth.

So as I close this chapter, I want you to honor every part of your story that shaped you.
Honor the roots that held you steady through storms,and honor the rise that is pulling you toward a future you deserve.

Remember this. You can be deeply rooted and still destined to rise.

You can love, release, rebuild, and reinvent, all at the same time.

Choosing yourself is not betrayal. It is the foundation of becoming who you were meant to be.

This is your peace.
This is your lesson.
This is your rising.